Life has been wrought with change in recent months. Some of which I initiated, some which was planned, and some that, well, is just life happening. I’ve never been one to shy away from change, typically embracing the shifts as great opportunities for learning. I was reminded of this by a good friend yesterday, who commented that when I make a decision, I just move forward.
This got me thinking this morning. Why is it some people can just go with it, and others resist? Why is it my bed is strewn with papers, notebooks, my laptop and books (and it’s not even 7:30 am!) anxiously looking forward to looking at the change coming up? How do I DEAL with change?
What I observed is I go through stages:
1. Contemplation – The internal turmoil, uncertainty, fretting, fear. I have it all. Sometimes it’s overwhelming, however I experience it. Sometimes I write it down, most times I call my sister or best friend and extrovert it out, usually over a bottle of wine 🙂 Talking it out helps me to realize that it’s usually just my limiting beliefs screaming in my head. When they get a chance to be heard, the voices seem to quiet down just a bit. (They don’t EVER go away. And with good reason, truly!) The key for me is to allow myself to feel all of what I feel, and take care of myself in the process, knowing it’ll all be ok. Journaling, exercising, yoga, long walks, crying, laughing, whatever I need to nurture my heart and soul.
2. Clarity – As the voices in my head quiet down, clarity begins to emerge. Listening to what I want, what feels good, feels right in my gut. I don’t always know what’s right, but I can usually pinpoint what’s NOT. Just like when I was dating, oh so many years ago. I didn’t know what I wanted in a man, but I knew what I didn’t want! It’s also the place where questions come up – good questions to help me assess the next steps, which direction to take.
3. Confidence – Ah, the tricky one! As I said before, those limiting belief voices never really go away, they just quiet down. Here’s where the dance begins. When I know in my gut the decision is right, then I listen to the ‘cues’ the voices are giving me. If it’s fear, then what am I afraid of? If it’s uncertainty, then do I need to break it down further to gain clarity? If its anything like “I’m not good enough” then I refer to my favorite tools to bolster my confidence. My Life Map, a tool I use to project out my dreams over a few years; create a vision board, reference books and podcasts by Louise Hay, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Les Brown and so many others, affirmations and most importantly my own personal track record. A great idea is to go on a news moratorium – turn off the TV/Radio news– it’s rarely anything positive. I turn on the FoodNetwork or Cooking Channel, personally!
4. Connection – Here is where I take action. Baby steps usually. Doing one thing that propels me in the direction of my goal. It could be as simple as making a phone call, searching for information, asking someone for advice, clearing the clutter in my home. Anything to take that first step! The key here is to do something small and easy so I’m successful and build up my confidence muscle. Why? Because nothing ever goes according to plan and I want to have enough inner-confidence to change directions, shift gears without getting totally emotionally derailed.
From here I keep moving forward, repeating the process, because as we all know the only thing constant in life is CHANGE and we can only take it one day at at time 🙂